February 2024

If you surrender to the air, you can ride it.

- Toni Morrison, Song of Solomon

Waiting has always been a challenge for me. I am a person of action. Even when I don’t have a specific plan, I act first and then figure out what to do next - which is cleaning up the mess from my hasty action. I haven’t been able to master the technique of waiting, not from a lack of discernment but fear that inaction would mean a loss of opportunity, a loss of time. If I don’t act now, I think, “Would I miss opportunities that would benefit my target audience or would I fail to live up to my team’s expectations?” Underlying these feelings is the nagging question, “Would I have failed the people who need me the most?”  This undercuts my strong sense of responsibility and commitment to my values/cause.

Yet I am tired of acting prematurely, that is without a team committed to Platform’s mission. I have learned the hard way that I cannot act alone cause if I do, I’ll burn and fall apart. I don’t have the energy/strength/stamina anymore or the resources to plan and execute our events. And my family responsibilities have quadrupled.

So what am I waiting for?! I just don’t know yet or I sort of do but am uncertain or doubt my ability to know. Part of me is waiting for leadership at my workplace to provide a space and opportunity to help me run my program or have them fail so I can run the program independently. And another part of me is waiting to find a person who has the experience and time to organize our community and a person with grant writing experience so we can increase our funding.  I am waiting for people to appear so I can respond appropriately. In my cosmic worldview, I believe that there will be an alignment if the universe so fated our organization to grow. I just have to wait.

Now, some of you probably think that waiting is just an excuse not to do anything for fear of something or outright laziness or someone who is too burned out to do anything. Yes, waiting can be riddled with fear, passivity, and inertia.  But I can honestly say that I am waiting with anticipation for the universe to align me to action.  Rather than going against the wind, I want to ride it this time, because god knows, I have gone against the hurricane winds once too many times. My battle wounds are all too evident in my perspective on life.

I want others to lead so I can do what I do best which is mentor them to lead more intentionally and meaningfully.  Will the waiting pan out. Only time will tell and by then, I may have missed several windows of opportunity. But I want to ride the air this time and not go against it.

Sam Joo

CEO and Founder

January 31, 2024