I can't breathe ...
I can't breathe.
“I can’t breathe” ...
“Please, the knee in my neck” ...
“My stomach hurts, my neck hurts, everything hurts” …
“Don’t kill me” ...
“Mama!”
Blatant forms of racism is clearly unacceptable. When Derek Chauvin pressed his knee on the neck of George Floyd for 8 minutes and 46 seconds, he had exemplified complete disregard for human life because he did not see George Floyd as a person. What messages are we perpetuating in America where non-white people are seen and treated as non-humans? Protests and riots are not enough to eradicate the racism that plagues our communities. But I do not want to talk about the Derek Chauvin and how he murdered George Floyd. I am still processing the hate.
I want to comment on the white woman, Amy Cooper, who called the police on a black man because he asked her to leash her dog in Central Park which she was supposed to do and the Hmong-American police officer, Tou Thao, who just watched as a man died. I am all too familiar with such people. I’ve run into white women (and white men) who flaunt their white privilege as if they own the world. I guess in a way they do because they’ve created, perpetuate, and solidify a system in which they rule over others, even those who claim that they want to overturn the system. If you ask Ms. Cooper, she will tell you that she is a liberal, progressive, etc. - definitely not a racist. After all, she was thoughtful to say, ‘African-American.’ I have also encountered numerous people in the Asian-American communities who idly sit by or side with the oppressors. As long as they can pass as ‘white’ so that they don’t get treated like black people in the US, they will say and do anything. They are calculating survivors who consciously and subconsciously learned the system.
Even with my experience with white people and reading books like White Fragility, I can honestly say that I do not understand the subtle arrogance, ignorance, self-congratulating attitude of white liberal people. I can at least have an open conversations with some non-violent racists who in their intense, passionate views are more honest than many of the insidious progressive white people who are scared of the label, constantly feel misunderstood and hurt, and racked with useless guilt. I fail to understand their defense mechanisms but I know more and am aware of the Asian-American immigrants’ mentality, the one of survival, the desire not to stand out and somehow fade into the background. The model minority myth is real in the sense that we have tried to earn respect, our humanity, and truthfully, not to reap the disadvantages of being black. It is that immigrant mentality of wanting, trying, and yearning to fit into the white American culture so we too can possess the White American Dream. And sincerely, who wants to be categorized as non-white in a country which has a horrible history of oppression, of violence, of absolute disregard for life.
Is it wrong to play the role of the white damsel in distress from the black man or wanting to fit the model minority so that we do not get oppressed with the black community? Is it wrong to want to want to pursue our self-interest, to let my dog run free or just pass as one of the white, privileged people? One could argue that humans are all selfish so it is instinctual that we act in our own best interest, to use our privileges to benefit us, to kill rather than be killed. God knows that our society rewards those who know how to best manipulate the system. But to what end and at what cost? I am not claiming that I am innocent. I too am guilty of wanting to pass, to get by so that I can just breathe without someone pressing their knee against my neck. I understand to the very core of my being of wanting to fit in, of wanting to live in my few privileges, of wanting to shut it out. However does it make it right? The simple answer is NO.
Just because we can understand, explain, or have been there and done that does not make it morally or ethically acceptable or right. Derek Chauvin killed a man. It is wrong. He needs to be held accountable for his actions. Amy Cooper did not kill anyone but her actions could have led to a serious misunderstanding and perhaps death of another black man. Tou Thao could have stopped a killing but chose to do nothing. Even if there are no dire consequences that is clearly defined as criminal, it is wrong. And feeling guilty without any real actions is just a waste of our resources and time. What must I do, how must I, a Korean-American, become a co-conspirator to dismantle the systemic racism that truly oppresses us all, white and non-white? Honestly, I don’t know right now. All I know is that I am not doing enough because people still can’t breathe.
Samantha Joo